


call me, beep me (if you wanna reach me)

by hurricanedelta



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Kik Chats, M/M, Multi, Texting, others are included but not in there explicitly i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-07-28 21:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7657066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurricanedelta/pseuds/hurricanedelta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[tetsulmao] KUROO<br/>[brokuto] BOKUTO<br/>[tetsulmao] TEAM ROCKET BLASTING OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT<br/>[brokuto] SURRENDER NOW OR PREPARE TO FIGHT<br/>[toorumulder] meowth!<br/>[toorumulder] that's right!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. day one

**Author's Note:**

> for haikyuu!! captains week!!!
> 
> title from kim possible heheheheh

 

_tetsulmao created group "wildcats"_

 

**[5:03PM – NOVEMBER 18 2016]**

 

[tetsulmao] prepare for trouble

[brokuto] make it double

[tetsulmao] to protect the world from devastation

[brokuto] to unite all people in this nation

[tetsulmao] to denounce the evils of truth and love

[brokuto] to extend our reach to the stars above

[tetsulmao] KUROO

[brokuto] BOKUTO

[tetsulmao] TEAM ROCKET BLASTING OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

[brokuto] SURRENDER NOW OR PREPARE TO FIGHT

[toorumulder] meowth!

[toorumulder] that's right!

[toorumulder] also who are you people

[toorumulder] and why am i in this group chat

[tetsulmao] the fact that you joined in on team rocket proves you belong here

[toorumulder] but why am I here? why are WE here?

[Daichi3112] I agree. Why am I here?

[UshijimaVolley] Hello.

[brokuto] idk man why ARE WE here? is it some form of common coincidence, or do you think there really is a god out there, y’know. watching over us and stuff.

[brokuto] IDK MAN but it keeps me up at night

[Daichi3112] What?

[toorumulder] did you just

[toorumulder] did you just rvb quote me?

[brokuto] BRO YOU KNOW I DID

[toorumulder] omg I LOVE rvb you have no idea

[brokuto] BRO YOU’RE MY NEW FAVE

[toorumulder] THAT'S GREAT BUT WHO ARE YOU

[tetsulmao] OK SO

[brokuto] IM BOKUTO KOUTAROU

[brokuto] ALSO THIS IS A CAPTAINS CHAT!!!!!!!!

[brokuto] bc SAWAMURA has a lot of CAPTAIN FRIENDS he didn't TELL US about

[tetsulmao] YOU MADE ME DELETE EVERYTHING I JUST TYPED BRO

[brokuto] o shit sorry bro

[tetsulmao] smh

[tetsulmao] but yea sawamura refused to introduce us to any of his captain bros so thI S CHA T WAS BORN

[Daichi3112] I don’t think I’m friends with anyone on this chat?

[tetsulmao] ow

[brokuto] LOVE HURTS BRO

[tetsulmao] so bokuto and i

[tetsulmao] made this chat to join us all together

[brokuto] like one big bro orgy

[brokuto] a brorgy

[toorumulder] no thanks

[Daichi3112] Kuroo and Bokuto?

[Daichi3112] And…?

[toorumulder] are you sawamura? of karasuno?

[Daichi3112] Yes.

[toorumulder] and then theres….

[toorumulder] FUCK ITS USHIWAKA-CHAN

[toorumulder] GOODBYE

[UshijimaVolley] Hello Oikawa.

[Daichi3112] Oikawa Tooru?

[toorumulder] FUCK WHY AM I HERE

[brokuto] I DON'T KNOW, WHY ARE WE HERE

[toorumulder] NO I MEAN WHY AM I OUT HERE

[toorumulder] IN THIS GROUP CHAT

[brokuto] oh

[brokuto] WHAT WAS ALL OF THAT STUFF ABOUT GOD?

[toorumulder] MMMNOTHING

[brokuto] DO YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT

[toorumulder] MMMNO

[Daichi3112] What is “rvb”? I assume that’s the reference?

[tetsulmao] a webshow bokuto likes

[tetsulmao] based in halo I think idk

[tetsulmao] he likes tucker ? and york bc he’s pretty. I agree but like ????

[toorumulder] YES YORK

[toorumulder] i love love LOVE TEX AND DONUT

[UshijimaVolley] You like sweet things? Like donuts?

[toorumulder] DONUT IS A CHARACTER YOU FUCKIGN WALNUT

[toorumulder] also yes

[toorumulder] milk bread is my favourite food

[UshijimaVolley] Is that so?

[Daichi3112] Halo, as in the game?

[Daichi3112] Suga likes that. I think.

[Daichi3112] I’ll ask him if he’s watched ‘rvb’.

[toorumulder] if refreshing-kun has PLEASE give me his number

[tetsulmao] refreshing-kun?

[tetsulmao] oh you mean sawamuras bf

[brokuto] sugawara’s eyes are trained on the prize

[brokuto] (sawamura’s ass)

[toorumulder] hes a really smart player

[toorumulder] and his setting is calculated, even if it’s textbook

[toorumulder] and he knows his team well

[toorumulder] not as well as I do but

[UshijimaVolley] There isn’t much to know about your team. Karasuno is far more complex.

[toorumulder] excuse me? take that back.

[UshijimaVolley] From a purely volleyball standpoint I’m not wrong.

[toorumulder] take it back

[UshijimaVolley] Did it offend you?

[toorumulder] yes. it did.

[UshijimaVolley] Oh. Sorry to offend you.

[toorumulder] no you aren’t

[toorumulder] but whatever

[brokuto] WAIT WHAT

[brokuto] KARASUNO IS EASY MAN

[tetsulmao] yeah bro we kick karasuno’s asses all the time

[brokuto] ALL THE TIME

[Daichi3112] Not for much longer! Nationals here we come!

[tetsulmao] lmao sawamura youre so young

[tetsulmao] so much to learn

[brokuto] MAKE THE CAT CROW MATCH THING REALITY MAN

[toorumulder] crow cat match thing?

[tetsulmao] BATTLE OF THE TRASH HEAP

[tetsulmao] NEKO VS KARASU

[Daichi3112] It’s a fated match both our coaches want.

[tetsulmao] NEKOMA IS GONNA BEAT YOUR CROW ASSES

[Daichi3112] Bring it on, stray.

[toorumulder] that's intense

[tetsulmao] talk to tsukki and then back to me. then you’ll know

[tetsulmao] karasuno has never once beaten us

[tetsulmao] so get fucked sawamura

[brokuto] ITS GONNA BE SO GOOD THO

[brokuto] LIKE

[brokuto] HINATA AND LEV!!!!!

[brokuto] TSUKKI VS KUROO MMMMMBOIIII

[tetsulmao] boiiiiii im so ready for me vs tsukki

[brokuto] YAKU AND NISHINOYA

[brokuto] AAAAAAAAAAA

[Daichi3112] You missed half of both of our teams.

[toorumulder] so it's a legendary match against each other

[tetsulmao] casually, yes

[tetsulmao] in reality, WE WILL FUCKING END YOUR CROW ASSES

[brokuto] AAAAAAAA

[toorumulder] wild

[Daichi3112] Suga said to say “It’s the best show ever. Of all time.”

[toorumulder] give me his number

[toorumulder] now

[UshijimaVolley] How do you know it’s the best show of all time?

[toorumulder] it's a reference you fake fucking fan

[UshijimaVolley] I’m not even a fan.

[toorumulder] exactly

[UshijimaVolley] Then how am I fake?

[Daichi3112] I’ll send you a private message of his phone number – Suga said it was alright.

[toorumulder] did you just spell out pm

[Daichi3112] PM?

[tetsulmao] sawamura………….

[brokuto] w o w

[tetsulmao] who let such an innocent child on kik honestly

[Daichi3112] I’m going to send it.

[UshijimaVolley] How do you not know PM…?

[tetsulmao] rekt

[toorumulder] IM SCREAMING

[tetsulmao] ?

[toorumulder] he just texted me

[toorumulder] and im so

[toorumulder] he sent me a pic of his merch

[toorumulder] im literally going to go to his house and steal all of it bye

[Daichi3112] Oikawa! That’s illegal!

[tetsulmao] hes not actually gonna do it lmao

[toorumulder] im become college roommates with him and gonna steal all of it and

[toorumulder] he will never know

[Daichi3112] I think he will…

[brokuto] WHAT STUFF HAS HE GOT BRO

[toorumuder] e v e r y t h i n g

[toorumulder] so many shirts and all the dvds and aa a a aaaa

[brokuto] DOES HE HAVE THE POSTERS

[toorumulder] YES

[brokuto] I WANT THEM SO BAD

[brokuto] BUT IM JOBLESS AND CRYING

[toorumulder] RELATABLE

[toorumulder] IF YOU WANT

[toorumulder] I’D BE WILLING TO SPLIT WITH YOU IF YOU HELP ME STEAL ALL OF IT

[brokuto] BRO YES

[toorumulder] YES THIS IS HAPPENING

[brokuto] BRO

[brokuto] I LOVE YOU BRO

[toorumulder] OH MY GOD

[brokuto] I REALLY DO BRO YOU’RE MY NEW FAVOURITE

[tetsulmao] I THOUGHT I WAS UR FAVE BRO

[brokuto] WATCH RVB AND YOU WILL BE REINSTATED

[tetsulmao] but its like 13 seasons

[toorumulder] 14

[brokuto] 14

[brokuto] WATCH IT ITS SO WORTH IT

[toorumulder] ILL DO A RABBIT IF IT REALLY REQUIRES IT

[toorumulder] I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU BUT I WILL DO IT

[brokuto] BRO CAN WE THO

[brokuto] IT WOULD BE TOP SHIT

[tetsulmao] i

[tetsulmao] i guess idk

[brokuto] YES OR NO

[brokuto] (if you say no ur not my #1 bro)

[tetsulmao] fuck it

[toorumulder] go in my room (same as my username here)

[brokuto] YES!!!!

[brokuto] IM IN BRO

[brokuto] I LIKE YOUR ROOM

[tetsulmao] sweet as

[Daichi3112] …What just happened?

[UshijimaVolley] …I don’t know.

[Daichi3112] So…

[UshijimaVolley] Have you seen the latest Captain America movie?

[Daichi3112] Yes! It was incredible!

 

**[11:49PM – NOVEMBER 18 2016]**

 

[toorumulder] what was this cap wank

[brokuto] UM EXCUSE ME

[brokuto] STEVE ROGERS IS BEAUTIFUL

[tetsulmao] we watched like 4 seasons

[toorumulder] we got through blood gulch chronicles (5 seasons)

[toorumulder] imp is sing ys elf I lo ve re d v s blu e

[brokuto] IM SO GLAD WE’RE DOIng THIS

[brokuto] I LOVE YOUR LAUGH BRO

[brokuto] ITS NICE

[toorumulder] your hair is cool

[toorumulder] unlike the furry over there

[tetsulmao] wow ok @ me next time

[tetsulmao] also I admit

[tetsulmao] that was really funny

[brokuto] YE S S SSSSS

[tetsulmao] bro

[tetsulmao] I apologise for not appreciating this sooner

[brokuto] BRO SO LONG AS YOU UNDERSTAND NOW

[toorumulder] youre damn right you should apologise

[Daichi3112] Sleep. For the love of God.

[toorumulder] no

[toorumulder] not while agent york needs loving

[toorumulder] I can never sleep while agent york needs loving

[Daichi3112] …

 

**[6:21AM – NOVEMBER 19 2016]**

 

[tetsulmao] an error was made

[toorumulder] iwa-chan is gonna kill me

[brokuto] im fucked

[Daichi3112] Did you guys not sleep?

[UshijimaVolley] What season did you get up to?

[tetsulmao] idfk

[tetsulmao] all I know is that I have a boner for agent york

[toorumulder] agent york more like agent daddy

[tetsulmao] more like please father my children

[Daichi3112] …

[Daichi3112] Right…

[toorumulder] im gonna tell refreshing-kun about this brb

[Daichi3112] He can see my screen. I’ll give my phone to him now.

[brokuto] HEY HEY HEY

[toorumulder] hey!!!!!  
[tetsulmao] why did no one warn me about the rvboner I was gonna get

[Daichi3112] RVBONER BLESS

[Daichi3112] did you finish season 10 bc mmmmmmmmyes

[tetsulmao] im still crying

[toorumulder] I DIDN'T REALISE HOW POWERFUL THE LINE EPSILON SAYS

[toorumulder] YOU KNOW THE ONE

[brokuto] CAN CONFIRM HE WAS CRYING

[tetsulmao] delta is fuckign savage tho

[Daichi3112] ikr

[UshijimaVolley] I might watch it with Tendou.

[Daichi3112] ill make daichi watch it

[toorumulder] GOOD

[toorumulder] shit I gotta go iwa-chan is gonna slaughter me o god

[toorumulder] im so glad we did this

[toorumulder] even tho I don't know you

[brokuto] YOU KNOW US NOW BRO

[tetsulmao] best decision ever. of all time.

[brokuto] BRO!!!!

[toorumulder] !!!!!!!!

[toorumulder] ok bye

[brokuto] LATER BRO


	2. day two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Daichi3112] Don’t watch things until the early hours of the morning again.
> 
> [brokuto] YOU ARENT MY FATHER

**[8:31PM – NOVEMBER 30 2016]**

 

[tetsulmao] ok but

[tetsulmao] did u guys fuckin

[tetsulmao] see Tsukki block ushijima

[UshijimaVolley] I was there.

[tetsulmao] stfu

[tetsulmao] but like

[tetsulmao] im so proud of him????

[tetsulmao] like holy shit ????

[tetsulmao] I love him???

[Daichi3112] He’s come a long way.

[Daichi3112] Ever since I first saw him play, I knew he was going to go far.

[Daichi3112] He has so much potential and he doesn’t even realise it.

[brokuto] TSUKKI MAN DON'T EVEN

[brokuto] HE HAD HIS MOMENT!!!

[brokuto] I REMEMBER THE EMO KID COMING IN LIKE hurr durr why do you put so much effort in hurr durr

[brokuto] BOIIII

[tetsulmao] your speech was my fave tho bro

[brokuto] thanks bro

[brokuto] BUT!!!

[brokuto] KUROO TAUGHT HIM SO MUCH

[tetsulmao] hes such a good and obedient student I cry

[toorumulder] are you into that lmao

[tetsulmao] bro no

[tetsulmao] but man

[tetsulmao] im just so proud of him yknow

[Daichi3112] Also, you love him?

[tetsulma] heh

[Daichi3112] What do you mean by that?

[UshijimaVolley] He’s a very talented player.

[UshijimaVolley] If he chooses to, he could go very far.

[UshijimaVolley] You taught him that, Kuroo?

[tetsulmao] yea

[tetsulmao] he always had it in him

[tetsulmao] also @sawamura what you don't kno wont hurt u

[Daichi3112] …

[toorumulder] i don't really have much opinion on him

[toorumulder] yahaba-chan said he ran into him before a match and he was kind of

[toorumulder] idk aloof??

[tetsulmao] boiii

[tetsulmao] he may act aloof but hes so passionate

[tetsulmao] I can tell

[brokuto] AKAASHI ASKED HIM ABOUT HIS MUSIC ONCE

[brokuto] HE WAS PRACTICALLY BOUNCING AS HE TOLD AKAASHI ABOUT IT

[toorumulder] strangely enough, I cant see that

[tetsulmao] neither

[brokuto] but ok

[brokuto] hes like super emo all the time

[tetsulmao] yea bro I know

[brokuto] WELL

[brokuto] HE BASICALLY BECAME HINATA BUT WITHOUT THE BOUNCING AND NOISE LEVEL

[tetsulmao] holy shit

[tetsulmao] im gonna call him brb

[brokuto] you do that bro

[toorumulder] I really can’t see that though

[toorumulder] is he really that good of a player

[toorumulder] he doesn't really live up to any potential he has and seems kinda

[toorumulder] idk

[toorumulder] unmotivated

[brokuto] look bro

[brokuto] my bro kuroo is one of the best middle blockers I know

[brokuto] and Tsukki all but latched onto his leg, even after kuroo insulted him

[toorumulder] how is kuroo alive

[brokuto] fucked if I know bro

[brokuto] he went super passive aggressive on him

[brokuto] but I swear just WATCHING Tsukki learn from kuroo was a really interesting experience

[brokuto] his eyes like

[brokuto] shone

[Daichi3112] Ever since Tsukishima started learning from Kuroo, he’s been more passionate, more alert, and his skill level has shot through the roof.

[Daichi3112] It’s really incredible.

[UshijimaVolley] His blocking in that moment was terrifying.

[brokuto] kuroo just texted me

[brokuto] hes crying

[brokuto] I think Tsukki is crying too

[brokuto] what is happening

[toorumulder] holy shit

[Daichi3112] …

[UshijimaVolley] Wow.

[brokuto] WOWZA

[brokuto] anyway

[brokuto] anyone wanna watch a movie with me

[toorumulder] what movie? – the rvb watch was fun so im in

[brokuto] idk man

[toorumulder] um

[brokuto] hey theres a tv series that ive been meaning to watch

[toorumulder] ???

[brokuto] its called lip service

[toorumulder] ITS LESBIANS

[toorumulder] THERES LESBIAN SEX

[toorumulder] NO OFFENCE BUT IM NOT WATCHING SEX WITH U UNLESS KUROO IS HERE

[toorumulder] PORN RULE OF THREE AND ALL THAT SHIT

[brokuto] BRO

[brokuto] OK WHAT ABOUT THE DORIAN GRAY MOVIE

[brokuto] THE DUDE IS HOT

[toorumulder] theres gay sex in it

[brokuto] FUCK

[brokuto] WHEN IN DOUBT, PACIFIC RIM

[toorumulder] oooooo yes

[brokuto] your room or mine?

[toorumulder] whichever

[Daichi3112] Don’t watch things until the early hours of the morning again.

[brokuto] YOU ARENT MY FATHER

 

**[2:03AM – DECEMBER 1 2016]**

 

[toorumulder] why do we keep doing this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it wasnt clear my favourite quote is basically just bokutos speech to tsukki!!!!!!


	3. day three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [toorumulder] its called ‘the lover’
> 
> [brokuto] sounds like a porno
> 
> [toorumulder] its nOT

[10:04AM – DECEMBER 3 2016]

 

[tetsulmao] daily remind that Tsukki is my fave

[brokuto] I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR FAVE BRO

[tetsulmao] bro you are my fave bro

[tetsulmao] Tsukki?

[tetsulmao] he aint a bro bro

[brokuto] OHOHOHOHOHOHO

[Daichi3112] Why have I not left this group yet?

[Daichi3112] Also Kuroo, I asked Tsukishima what you meant.

[Daichi3112] He said he will kill you the next time he sees you, just so you know.

[tetsulmao] bc you need to build up nekomas glory and all that

[tetsulmao] ahhahaha he loves me

[Daichi3112] That makes no sense.

[tetsulmao] I need bragging rights over u sawamura

[tetsulmao] ANYWAY TSUKKI IS MY FAVE SAYONARA

[brokuto] WHERE YOU GOING BRO

[tetsulmao] ohohohohoho

[brokuto] ohohohohoho

[tetsulmao] (grocery shopping with mum)

[tetsulmao] later fam

[brokuto] HAVE FUN WITH YOUR MUM BRO

[toorumulder] yea have fun with ur mum lmao

[Daichi3112] Have fun!

[UshijimaVolley] Have fun.

[brokuto] I cant believe Tsukki isn’t a bro

[toorumulder] what does that even mean

[brokuto] I mean like

[brokuto] wait

[brokuto] Tsukki autocorrects capitalised on my phone wtf

[toorumulder] wtf

[brokuto] WHAT THE FUCK IS A CAPITAL LETTER

[toorumulder] a conspiracy theory

[brokuto] wow ur right

[brokuto] also bro

[toorumulder] yeah?

[brokuto] wanna watch smth

[toorumulder] am I allowed to pick?

[brokuto] YEAH BRO GO FOR IT

[toorumulder] ok um

[toorumulder] its called ‘the lover’

[brokuto] sounds like a porno

[toorumulder] its nOT

[toorumulder] ITS THIS KDRAMA ABOUT THESE FOUR COUPLES IN AN APARTMENT

[toorumulders] AND ITS RLLY FUNNY ITS GREAT

[brokuto] OOO NICE

[toorumulder] YOU WANNA KNOW THE BEST BIT

[brokuto] YES BRO

[toorumulder] GAY COUPLE

[brokuto] HOLY FUCK LETS WATCH IT

[brokuto] IDK WHERE TO FIND IT SO GO YOUR ROOM?

[toorumulder] YEAH LETS DO IT

[Daichi3112] How does it always come to this?

[UshijimaVolley] Do you want to watch something with me?

[Daichi3112] Like?

[UshijimaVolley] Iron Man?

[Daichi3112] Alright. Do you use the same website they do?

[UshijimaVolley] Yes. I’m setting it up now so join my room.

[Daichi3112] Okay.

 

[11:50AM – DECEMBER 3 2016]

 

[tetsulmao] WHO THE FUCK

[tetsulmao] IS WATCHING MY FAVOURITE KDRAMA

[tetsulmao] WITHOUT ME

[tetsulmao] YOU ASSHOLES

[brokuto] I THOUGHT SASSY GO GO WAS UR FAVE

[tetsulmao] THERE IS A GLOW IN THE DARK FUCKING CONDOM IN THE LOVER IT HAS GOT NOTHING ON SASSY GO GO

[tetsulmao] (sorry eunji my wife)

[toorumulder] WHATS UR FAVOURITE MOMENT

[tetsulmao] OH FUCK UM

[tetsulmao] WHEN FUCKING

[tetsulmao] THEY’RE WATCHING THE PORN

[tetsulmao] GOD BLESS

[toorumulder] YES OH MY GOD

[toorumulder] I LOVE THE ESTROGEN BIT AS WELL

[tetsulmao] YES OMG

[brokuto] what

[tetsulmao] CAN I JOIN YOU

[brokuto] YES BRO ALWAYS

[toorumulder] GET YOUR ASS IN HERE YOU FURRY

 

[3:05AM – DECEMBER 4 2016]

 

[tetsulmao] GOD DAMMIT NOT AGAIN

[toorumulder] WHY COOL GUY

[brokuto] WHYYYYYYYY

 

[6:09AM – DECEMBER 4 2016]

 

[Daichi3112] You guys need to learn some self control.

[tetsulmao] ok dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is becoming my desperate plea for you guys to watch some of my fave things (rvb,,, the lover,,, sassy go go,,,, plea s e,,,,,)
> 
> also,,, never said that the fave moment had to be in hq,,,,, hahahhaahha,,,,,, //sweats profusely


	4. day four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [UshijimaVolley] Unless it involves Oikawa.
> 
> [Daichi3112] And I thought Kuroo was gay.

[8:03PM – DECEMBER 3 2016]

 

[toorumulder] did you guys know i can play baseball

[toorumulder] like

[toorumulder] really well

[UshijimaVolley] I would have thought Iwaizumi would be better at it.

[toorumulder] nope ushiwaka-chan!! my pitching accuracy is second to no one in my school!!

[tetsulmao] doesn't your school have a really good baseball team tho

[toorumulder] second ONLY to the baseball team

[brokuto] BRO THAT'S SO COOL!!

[brokuto] YOU’LL HAVE TO SHOW US ONE DAY

[toorumulder] can any of you play catcher or will I be in the pen if this happens?

[tetsulmao] catcher is the one with all the extra gear yeah?

[Daichi3112] That’s really unexpected Oikawa.

[tetsulmao] im usually picked for catcher in pe

[tetsulmao] bc legs

[toorumulder] bs

[tetsulmao] did you just say me having good legs was bs?

[tetsulmao] you alien fucker

[toorumulder] you’re ugly enough to be jar jar binks’ biological brother

[tetsulmao] im gonna shove jar jar binks up your asshole buddy

[toorumulder] buddy i’ll destroy you

[tetsulmao] buddy :)))))

[toorumulder] :))))))))))))))))

[Daichi3112] That’s enough of this nonsense.

[tetsulmao] sawamura my pal

[Daichi3112] Enough.

[brokuto] maybe you should pitch it into kuroos FACE bro

[tetsulmao] UM OKAY

[UshijimaVolley] What about his dick?

[tetsulmao] UM

[brokuto] OH MY GOD YES USHIJIMA

[toorumulder] i m

[tetsulmao] bro I trusted u

[tetsulmao] and THIS is how you repay me

[brokuto] bro you know I love you

[brokuto] but im fuckign pissing myself @ that

[tetsulmao] im kicking you off my apocalypse don’t-kill list

[tetsulmao] i hope jar jar binks proposes to you

[brokuto] brO HOW COULD YOU

[toorumulder] savage

[UshijimaVolley] The don’t-kill list….

[UshijimaVolley] You guys would be on mine.

[brokuto] BRO

[tetsulmao] MY HEART

[toorumulder] i

[Daichi3112] That’s so nice.

[toorumulder] im

[brokuto] BRO  OO O O O O O O O O

[brokuto] IM SOBBING

[UshijimaVolley] I’m being serious.

[Daichi3112] Thank you.

[UshijimaVolley] You’re all great. You deserve to live.

[toorumulder] i

[toorumulder] is iwa-chan on the list

[UshijimaVolley] Iwaizumi?

[toorumulder] yea

[UshijimaVolley] Yes he is.

[toorumulder] really

[UshijimaVolley] Yeah.

[toorumulder] thanks

[toorumulder] he’d keep me from dying tbh

[toorumulder] he already does pretty much

[UshijimaVolley] Yeah?

[toorumulder] yeah

[toorumulder] yeah

[Daichi3112] Oikawa?

[toorumulder] yeah?

[Daichi3112] You really love Iwaizumi, don’t you?

[toorumulder] i

[toorumulder] he doesn't know

[toorumulder] the way I love him

[tetsulmao] shit dude

[tetsulmao] that's rough

[brokuto] shit

[UshijimaVolley] I disagree.

[tetsulmao] wow

[Daichi3112] I also disagree.

[toorumulder] its fine

[toorumulder] i know he doesn't

[UshijimaVolley] I strongly disagree.

[toorumulder] its fine

[tetsulmao] bro you can tell the prime minister

[toorumulder] what the fuck

[tetsulmao] the Prime Minister

[toorumulder] oh

[Daichi3112] Prime Minister?

[brokuto] its kuroos bro code

[brokuto] for pm

[UshijimaVolley] That's quite interesting.

[brokuto] yea

[brokuto] i love kuroo

[Daichi3112] But seriously.

[Daichi3112] To say Iwaizumi didn’t love Oikawa would be like saying Kuroo and Bokuto don’t know what a meme is.

[UshijimaVolley] …

[UshijimaVolley] He stares at Oikawa’s ass before he serves sometimes.

[brokuto] HOLY FUCK

[brokuto] THAT'S GAY

[Daichi3112] How do you… know that?

[UshijimaVolley] He did it in middle school as well.

[brokuto] IM CRYING

[Daichi3112] Wow.

[Daichi3112] If that isn’t evidence I don’t know what is.

[UshijimaVolley] Exactly.

[brokuto] THAT'S BRILLIANT GET IN IWACHAN

[brokuto] ok but

[brokuto] when iwaizumi and alien fucker get together

[brokuto] wouldn't that make them mulder and scully

[brokuto] bc oikawa is super alien af and he obvs loves mulder

[brokuto] and he said that iwachan is rlly sceptical but still listens to him anyway

[brokuto] FUCK REAL LIFE MULDER AND SCULLY

[UshijimaVolley] Speaking of aliens.

[UshijimaVolley] Tendou and I have been watching Red vs Blue.

[brokuto] AND YOU ONLY JUST TOLD ME

[brokuto] BRO

[brokuto] THAT UF KCING MAKE S ME SO HAPPY BRO

[Daichi3112] Suga keeps trying to convince me.

[brokuto] good guy suga

[UshijimaVolley] You should watch it, it’s really good.

[UshijimaVolley] I like Lopez.

[UshijimaVolley] He makes me laugh.

[brokuto] _¿Por qué usted me hace preguntas si usted nunca entiende las respuestas?_

[brokuto] I don't actually know what that means I just copied it from the wiki

[brokuto] because obviously

[brokuto] I don't know Spanish

[Daichi3112] It’s something about asking questions when you don’t understand the answer? I think.

[brokuto] um

[brokuto] you know Spanish?

[brokuto] that's fUCKIGN COOL BRO

[Daichi3112] I have an Aunt from Mexico.

[Daichi3112] I don’t know that much though.

[brokuto] STILL BRO

[brokuto] ITS REALLY COOL

[brokuto] AAAAAAAAA SAWAMURA BRO

[brokuto] LANGUAGES ARE SO COOL I WISH I COULD LEARN ONE

[UshijimaVolley] Why can’t you?

[brokuto] I have a pretty hard time concentrating on stuff so I probably wouldn’t be able to do it

[Daichi3112] Not with that attitude.

[Daichi3112] It depends if the language has a different alphabet and how many characters in it, as well as grammar.

[Daichi3112] If you want to you should give it a shot.

[brokuto] maybe

[brokuto] maybe

[UshijimaVolley] If you want.

[UshijimaVolley] You’re really determined so you could do it.

[brokuto] thanks bro

[UshijimaVolley] It’s true.

[Daichi3112] It really is.

[tetsulmao] hey sawamura do you know any Spanish pick up lines

[Daichi3112] Yes, but you’re not getting any of them.

[tetsulmao] fuck.

[Daichi3112] Why would I even consider that?

[brokuto] do you use them on sugawara bro

[Daichi3112] Suga doesn’t know Spanish.

[brokuto] NOT A NO

[UshijimaVolley] If you do it in the right tone he’ll get the message.

[Daichi3112] I hate all of you.

[brokuto] nah bro

[brokuto] you love us

[Daichi3112] Right.

[Daichi3112] Actually wait, I have a question.

[brokuto] ooooo listen up kids, daddy has a question

[UshijimaVolley] Kinky.

[brokuto] in the wise words of kuroo, thanks kinky

[Daichi3112] How the hell did Oikawa not notice this?

[UshijimaVolley] …

[UshijimaVolley] Doesn’t have eyes at the back of his head.

[brokuto] PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WASN'T LOOKING AT IWACHANS EYES

[brokuto] BUT HIS ARMS

[Daichi3112] Is he stupid?

[UshijimaVolley] It’s really hard to see if you’re not looking. Iwaizumi isn’t the most outgoing person in the world.

[brokuto] unless it involves oikawa?

[UshijimaVolley] Unless it involves Oikawa.

[Daichi3112] And I thought Kuroo was gay.

[brokuto] savage

[brokuto] also @ kuroo can u keep ur gay for Tsukki to a minimum bc holy s hit

[brokuto] he sent me a text like ‘how much do you know’

[brokuto] which BTW WAS EXTREMELY THREATENING AND VERY SUSS

[brokuto] IF U LOVE ME

[Daichi3112] Also, stop texting him during practice.

[UshijimaVolley] I wish I had something to add to this, but I don’t.

[brokuto] tragic

[UshijimaVolley] Truly.

[tetsulmao] guys

[tetsulmao] can you stop taking about iwaizumi in the group chat

[tetsulmao] oikawas rlly upset rn

[tetsulmao] so

[tetsulmao] yeah

[brokuto] YEAH DUDE OF COURSE

[Daichi3112] Oh. Sorry Oikawa.

[UshijimaVolley] I’m sorry.

[tetsulmao] yea

[tetsulmao] ALSO FUCK YOU IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO ANOTHER AKAASHI RANT IM  GONNA DIE

[brokuto] BRO

[tetsulmao] anyway yeah that's all for a while later

[brokuto] BYE BRO

[Daichi3112] Look.

[Daichi3112] I give in.

[brokuto] ??????

[Daichi3112] Where do you watch Red vs Blue?

[brokuto] BRO HOLY SHIT

[brokuto] BROOOOOOOOOOOO

[brokuto] LETS WATCH TOGETHER

 

[1:02AM – DECEMBER 4 2016]

 

[brokuto] SAWAMURAS A CASUAL

[brokuto] HE LIKES SARGE THO SO ITS ALL G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reblog if rap god min yoongi literally killed you
> 
> i've been listening to the mixtape for literal hours on end and reading the lyrics and he's so good!!!!! i implore you to watch it oh myg od. [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y_Eiyg4bfk&list=PL5hrGMysD_GvLSIfJG7y5cfLS2nUshcUL&index=1)'s the link to the mv and [here](https://soundcloud.com/bangtan/sets/agust-d)'s the link to the full mixtape. i love him so much and this is shameless promo but i need everyone to be #blessed


	5. day five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Daichi3112] Suga wants my phone.
> 
> [Daichi3112] BLESS YOUR SOUL BOKUTO KOUTAROU

[1:04PM – DECEMBER 12 2016]

 

[tetsulmao] TSUKKI SAID HE’LL BUY ME FLOWERS NEXT TIME HE SEES ME

[tetsulmao] MMMMMMMMYES

[Daichi3112] He can see my screen and called you disgusting.

[brokuto] lmao

[tetsulmao] if u can see this Tsukki pls sext me

[toorumulder] oh my god

[toorumulder] fuckin wild

[Daichi3112] He ran. Look what you did Kuroo.

[tetsulmao] hes yelling at me over text

[brokuto] KINKSHAMING IS MY KINK

[tetsulmao] AAAAAAAA A A A A A  AA A A

[Daichi3112] …Anyway…

[Daichi3112] During practice today Hinata kept on gushing about all of you.

[Daichi3112] Even if it was slight battle with Ushijima.

[tetsulmao] I fuckin love hinata man

[brokuto] AAA A A A  AA A A AAA A A  AA  A A  A A A  AA  A A A A A A A

[toorumulder] shrimpy?

[toorumulder] he calls me the grand king its wild

[tetsulmao] grand king more like grand kink

[toorumulder] fuck off

[toorumulder] also I need to tell the prime minister something

[tetsulmao] shit why don't you call him

[toorumulder] good idea

[brokuto] god damn bro

[Daichi3112] Actually, I have a question.

[brokuto] shoot

[Daichi3112] Where did the prime minister thing originate?

[brokuto] kenma

[Daichi3112] #5?

[brokuto] yeah

[brokuto] hes rlly awkward and shy so kuroo has a system so that kenmas always comfortable

[brokuto] he kind of unconsciously does it to everyone

[Daichi3112] That’s sweet.

[brokuto] you bet it is

[brokuto] kuroo really is the kindest

[brokuto] @ kuroo ur the kindest bro

[brokuto] I hope he knows that hes the kindest bro

[UshijimaVolley] I think he’ll get the message.

[Daichi3112] Suga wants my phone.

[Daichi3112] BLESS YOUR SOUL BOKUTO KOUTAROU

[brokuto] HOLY SHIT HI

[brokuto] WHY AM I BLESSED

[Daichi3112] THE AMOUTN OF PEOPL E I CAN MAK E RLL Y BA D RV B JOK ES TO IS GR OWI N G IM SO GL A D

[brokuto] HOLY SHIT RVB YES

[brokuto] IF U WANNA MAKE RVB JOKES U COULD ALWAYS TEXT ME ;))))

[Daichi3112] holy shit

[Daichi3112] yea I will

[brokuto] AAAAAAAAA

[UshijimaVolley] What do you call someone with nine lives?

[brokuto] WHAT BRO

[UshijimaVolley] Leonard Church.

[Daichi3112] hoLY SHIT

[brokuto] OH MY GOD

[Daichi3112] ok that's all from me sayonara

[brokuto] BYE BRO

[Daichi3112] Why does this always happen?

[Daichi3112] Also, Suga’s coming over to my house, so he’s wanting to know if we can all watch Red vs Blue on rabbit together?

[brokuto] BRO YES

[UshijimaVolley] Where are you up to?

[Daichi3112] Um…

[Daichi3112] Andy?

[brokuto] ANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[brokuto] OK LETS DO IT

 

[3:54PM – DECEMBER 12 2016]

 

[toorumulder] I talked to iwa-chan

[toorumulder] he just bought me flowers at the supermarket??

[toorumulder] im crying?????

[brokuto] BRO!!!!!!!!

[brokuto] DID YOU TELL HIM

[toorumulder] yea

[toorumulder] I cant fu ckign bel ieve this

[tetsulmao] holy shit im happy for you bro

[toorumulder] thanks

[toorumulder] for all your help as well

[tetsulmao] anytime bro

[brokuto] BROOOOOOOOOO YES

[brokuto] IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

[brokuto] MULDER AND SCULLY ARE RE A L

[tetsulmao] oh m y go d

[toorumulder] OK I GOTTA GO MAKE OUT WITH IWACHAN LATER

[brokuto] HAVE FUN BRO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....its wednesday already here......so its okay.....for me to post this now right................. 12:24am and going strong............havent been,,,,,, watching agust d on repeat,,,,, not at all,,,,,,,


	6. day six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [tetsulmao] broshijima
> 
> [UshijimaVolley] Hello.
> 
> [tetsulmao] I was wondering
> 
> [tetsulmao] what got u into the baller life

[10:01PM – DECEMBER 13 2016]

 

[tetsulmao] yo ushijima

[tetsulmao] my bro

[tetsulmao] broshijima

[UshijimaVolley] Hello.

[tetsulmao] I was wondering

[tetsulmao] what got u into the baller life

[tetsulmao] ??? bc I kno how bo and sawamura and oink got into it

[tetsulmao] like ???

[toorumulder] DON'T CALL ME OINK U FURRY

[tetsulmao] fight me

[UshijimaVolley] My father played for Shiratorizawa back in high school.

[UshijimaVolley] He told me stories about being the Ace.

[UshijimaVolley] So I wanted to be one.

[UshijimaVolley] And I did.

[toorumulder] ur

[toorumulder] ur dad played

[toorumulder] for

[toorumulder] shiratorizawa

[toorumulder] …

[tetsulmao] holy shit nice man

[UshijimaVolley] His team was the one to first get Shiratorizawa to nationals.

[tetsulmao] HOLY HECK NICE

[toorumulder] im

[toorumulder] what year

[UshijimaVolley] 1976

[toorumulder] im

[toorumulder] im

[tetsulmao] ?

[toorumulder] my dad

[toorumulder] was on the soccer team

[tetsulmao] oh my god

[UshijimaVolley] At Shiratorizawa?

[toorumulder] i need to leave now

[tetsulmao] um

[UshijimaVolley] Bye.

 

[2:05AM – DECEMBER 14 2016]

 

[toorumulder] upon watching the x-files for the past few hours

[toorumulder] what the fu ck??????

[tetsulmao] can I join ur alien shit

[toorumulder] go for it man im on rabbit with kunimi n yahaba

[toorumulder] theyre lil shits fyi

[tetsulmao] perfect

 

[7:03AM – DECEMBER 14 2016]

 

[tetsulmao] WE HAVENT SLEPT AND KUNIMI AND YAHABA ARE MY NEW HEROES

[toorumulder] WHY

[tetsulmao] I CAN T F UC KI NG B ELI V E TH IS

[toorumulder] DON'T YOU DARE

[tetsulmao] I CA N T BE LI E VE

[tetsulmao] TH A T Y O U DI D TH A T

[tetsulmao] I M PISS ING

[toorumulder] DO NOT DO THIS FOR M Y DI GN I TY

[tetsulmao] Y OU CAM E OT SCH OOL WI TH A HAN GE R

[toorumulder] NO

[tetsulmao] BUT MAKKI AND MATTSUN

[tetsulmao] IM PI SS I NG

[tetsulmao] TH E Y TO OK PI C S

[tetsulmao] AN D THEN A GI R L POINT E D OUT THA T HE WA S S UPPO S ED T O B E HO T AN DI MC RY ING

[toorumulder] IT WAS HORRIBLE

[tetsulmao] I ME AN YE A H BU T IM C RYI NG

[toorumulder] I NEED DEATH


	7. day seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [toorumulder] …
> 
> [toorumulder] what have I done?

[8:01PM -  DECEMBER 20 2016]

 

[toorumulder] <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otx0Bnru0dY>

[toorumulder] yahaba-chan just sent this to me???

[toorumulder] and said that mad dog-chan sent it to him????

[toorumulder] ?????????

[toorumulder] how do I react to this?????

[toorumulder] ??????????

[Daichi3112] The one that had the mini ‘war’ with Tanaka?

[toorumulder] your baldie??

[Daichi3112] Yes.

[toorumulder] yea

[Daichi3112] That’s… unexpected…

[tetsulmao] its surprisingly catchy

[toorumulder] i

[Daichi3112] It’s sort of sweet but

[Daichi3112] Kuroo, I wouldn’t have expected this from you.

[tetsulmao] im gonna sent that to Tsukki

[brokuto] IM GONNA PLAY IT FOR AKAASHI

[toorumulder] …

[toorumulder] what have I done?

[UshijimaVolley] The vocals are very nice.

[Daichi3112] I wonder if Suga knows it…

[toorumulder] why

[tetsulmao] OK moments passed

[toorumulder] what did Tsukki-chan say?

[tetsulmao] TSUKKI-CHAN

[tetsulmao] IM GONNA CALL HIM THAT NOW

[brokuto] TSUKKI-CHAN TSUKKI-CHAN

[toorumulder] does he even have a name? that’s all anyone calls him

[Daichi3112] Tsukishima Kei.

[toorumulder] kei-chan

[tetsulmao] KEI-CHAN

[brokuto] KEI-CHAN

[Daichi3112] It would be a bad idea to call that to his face.

[brokuto] IT'S A BAD IDEA TO CALL HIM TSUKKI YOUR POINT SAWAMURA??

[UshijimaVolley] Tsukishima is a very valuable teammate and a very talented player.

[UshijimaVolley] I can tell he’s going to go very far.

[tetsulmao] YOU FUCKING BET USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

[tetsulmao] THAT'S /MY/ PROTÉGÉ SUCKERS

[brokuto] TSUKKIS GREAT BRO

[brokuto] CANT BEAT ME THOUGH AHAHAHHA

 

[11:54PM – DECEMBER 20 2016]

 

[brokuto] hey

[brokuto] is anyone awake

[toorumulder] sup

[tetsulmao] im always awake for u bro

[tetsulmao] whats up

[brokuto] um

[brokuto] do u guys wanna watch something with me

[toorumulder] ??? ok ????

[tetsulmao] what happened

[toorumudler] ?

[brokuto] um

[brokuto] my parents just got really shitty at me

[brokuto] so I need something to distract me

[brokuto] um

[brokuto] yea

[tetsulmao] pm?

[toorumulder] what did you have in mind?

[toorumulder] maybe a comedy?

[brokuto] nah I don't need the prime minister bro

[brokuto] anything really oikawa

[brokuto] is there anything you’d rec?

[toorumulder] ummm

[tetsulmao] are you sure bro?

[brokuto] yea I just need a distraction

[tetsulmao] ok bro

[toorumulder] tsuritama ?

[toorumulder] it's a fishing anime and one of the main characters is the cutest lil alien

[toorumulder] and another one has a goose

[brokuto] ok

[brokuto] come in my room

[toorumulder] ok

[tetsulmao] sweet as

 

[4:23AM – DECEMBER 21 2016]

 

[brokuto] WE NEED TO STOP DOING THIS

[tetsulmao] PROBABLY

[toorumulder] YEP

[tetsulmao] YOU FEELING BETTER THO BRO

[brokuto] YEAH BRO

[brokuto] THANKS GUYS

[toorumulder] ANYTIME

[toorumulder] IM GONNA SLEEP NOW GN

[brokuto] GN

[tetsulmao] SLEEP WELL ALIENFUCKER

[toorumulder] FUCK YOU KUROO

[toorumulder] SWEET DREAMS

 

[4:30AM – DECEMBER 21 2016]

 

[toorumulder] wait

[toorumulder] i just realised

[toorumulder] bokuto has got like

[toorumulder] all of my references

[toorumulder] BOKUTO IS SCI-FI NUT

[tetsulmao] how did you only just figure this out oikawa

[brokuto] BRO HOW DID YOU ONLY JUST REALISE

[toorumulder] MY LIFE IS A LIE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeT ANOTHER SHAMELESS PROMO OF AGUST D 'GIVE IT TO ME' WATCH IT [HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zgc12yL5ss) AND SCREAM WITH ME
> 
> also i realise this where i ~ talk about the fic ~ and do updates and stuff but honestly i've had this written for over a month and it ends tomorrow ( :( ) sO IMMA JUST SCREAM ABOUT YOONGI BC I LOVE


	8. bonus day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [tetsulmao] A A A A A AAAA A A A A A
> 
> [toorumulder] IC AN T BE LEI V E IT

[Daichi3112] So I was thinking…

[tetsulmao] dangerous hobby man

[Daichi3112] Considering the fact that Kuroo and Bokuto helped Hinata and Tsukishima, Suga has basically adopted Kageyama…

[Daichi3112] Yamaguchi has no doting senpai.

[tetsulmao] o shit

[tetsulmao] yama is the pinch server yea

[Daichi3112] Yes.

[tetsulmao] you sly fucker you

[toorumulder] I know what you want and im so insulted but also flattered

[Daichi3112] …

[toorumulder] does he have kik

[tetsulmao] ;)))))))))))))

[toorumulder] ;))))))))))

[Daichi3112] @mountainofgay

[tetsulmao] ME

[toorumulder] ME

[toorumulder] you owe me for this sawamura

[tetsulmao] IM GONNA TALK TO YAMAGUCHI TOO

[tetsulmao] SIMPLY BC THAT USERNAME IS ME

[Daichi3112] What have I done.

[tetsulmao] LORDS WORKS

[toorumulder] hes so confused hes so cute

[tetsulmao] ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT

[tetsulmao] APPARENTLY HES WITH TSUKKI

[tetsulmao] HE K N O W S

[toorumulder] HOLY SHIT

[Daichi3112] Heh.

[toorumulder] SAWAMURA

[tetsulmao] HE SET IT UP

[tetsulmao] YOU SLY BASTARD

[Daichi3112] Justice.

[tetsulmao] A A A A A AAAA A A A A A

[toorumulder] IC AN T BE LEI V E IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS OVER WHAT :0
> 
> a huge thank you to everyone who read this over these eight days and thank you to the admins of haikyuu!! captains week! it's been really enjoyable and the entire writing process was really fun! i'm glad i could do a fic like this because it was entirely foreign to me and it could incorporate almost all of my faves so it's just so!!!!!!
> 
> so nows the part where i link all the references i made so that you can all jump down the rabbit hole with me:  
> [red vs blue](http://roosterteeth.com/show/red-vs-blue) \- a webshow by rooster teeth based in halo about a couple of guys in a box canyon. simply hilarious and you won't regret it!!! do you ever wonder why we're here?  
> [the lover](http://kissasian.com/Drama/The-Lover) \- kdrama about four couples in an apartment. each of these couples has some aspect of them that make them 'untraditional' in a korean society. yes, there's a gay couple. if you like cross gene, jung joon young, gay boys, sex jokes, and a good time this is amazing. i actually have a hq!the lover au going at the moment ;))) (yes shameless self promo i know)  
> [sassy go go](http://kissasian.com/Drama/Cheer-Up) \- kdrama about two clubs in a really cut-throat high school. the two form a cheerleading team together and have to work together in order to appease all the challenges thrown in their path. i really recommend this as the characters are wonderful with incredible arcs (im actually doing a thing for school about soo ah boiii) and it's just in general a great watch! it has eunji from a-pink and n from vixx if ur into that lmao ;))))  
> [lip service](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lip_Service_\(TV_series\)) \- WOW OKAY THIS IS INCREDIBLE its about lesbians and seriously watch this. there's sex tho so be warned (like... within the first 3 mins.... wow). bullshit ending bUT  
> [pacific rim](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Rim_\(film\)) \- do i eVEN NEED TO MENTION THIS  
> [captain america: civil war](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_America:_Civil_War) \- //soft whisper for bucky  
> [dorian gray (2009)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dorian_Gray_\(2009_film\)) \- oh my god wow. it has ben barnes in it/?? theres porn??? good luck
> 
> I THINK THATS EVERYTHING AAAAAAA
> 
> thank you once again for reading to the end!!!!! aaaaa

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry mom


End file.
